Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Early Sunday morning on April 28, 2013 (Lag BaOmer) a week before I was scheduled to run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon, I had a stroke. My grandson Ushy (five years old) was the first of God's emissaries to save my life. My wife, Marsha, normally sleeps in late Sunday mornings. Ushy called Marsha on her cell phone and woke her up. I was staggering into our bedroom, determined to take a shower, so I could get ready for work. I started to strip down. Marsha looked at me. It was like a stroke commercial. "You're having a stroke! I'm calling 911." I gestured with my hand, Get out! I'm a bodybuilder fitness freak, we don't get strokes! I wasn't fully aware that I couldn't talk. Wow, I really needed a shower. Needed to wake up and get ready for work. I finished stripping down and headed for the bathroom. "I mean it! I'm calling 911." I locked myself in the bathroom, turned the water on in the shower and stepped in. I started shampooing my hair. The shampoo dripped into my eyes so I couldn't see. I was feeling fatigued and weak. I don't know why I feel so tired, got a lot of sleep on Shabbos. I heard a knock on the door. "Paramedics." I'm taking a shower! Since I couldn't talk they couldn't hear me. So I shouted louder inside my head. I'M TAKING A SHOWER! GO AWAY! They still didn't hear me. Then I heard my wife. "Rick, open up the door!" I'M TAKING A SHOWER! I heard my wife trying to unlock the door. The door opened and these 2 big guys who looked like police officers were coming into the bathroom. That's enough! I stepped out of the tub dripping wet, with shampoo dripping down my head and into my eyes. I lunged at the door and slammed it shut against some resistance from the big police guys. I'm very strong and teach self defense. These guys are lucky I'm naked and taking a shower. "Rick, open the door." I heard Marsha twisting a key in the door. I shut off the water, stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. The big police guys were right there, with my wife behind them. I pushed them to the side and headed for my underwear drawer. This is embarrassing! I put on my underwear and sweat pants. Wow, I'm really feeling tired and weak. The big guys grabbed me under my armpits and helped me down the stairs and into an ambulance. I had no more fight in me.
Hi, bubbles inside my head. You are upsetting me! Crank, crank, crank, bubble, bubble... I am trying to think clearly and you keep bubbling up and bursting at the targets of my thoughts. YOU ARE ANNOYING! STOP IT! Ok, I am going to stop resisting you and just relax and let your bubble waves put me to sleep. Ahhh, that's better, I am so tired. Just need some peaceful, restful sleep. "MR. WALTERS, I AM CANDY. I AM YOUR NURSE ON CALL TONIGHT." B#%%^,!!!!! I am trying to sleep! Sorry Mom, I know I agreed to not use profanity in your blessed memory. But it's ingrained in me. Remember when I was in kindergarten and the kids taught me how to sing Yankee Doodle Dandy with all F's? I had no idea what it meant, but got in big trouble when I sang it, in front of you and Daddy in the doctor's office. Remember that? "If you need anything the call button is right here attached to your bed. If you have to urinate, use that," she pointed to the table. "I'll be back later with your meds." Well, I did have to urinate. The problem was I was too weak and exhausted to reach the table for the 'bathroom surrogate.' I was able to hit the call button. But, by the time Candy came in, the pool of warm liquid had saturated my sheets. I started to laugh and cry at the same. I just peed my bed like a 2 year old. Two female attendance came in. They unhooked all of my attachments. They rolled me over exposing all of my private parts and skillfully changed my sheets. I just lost my dignity. I'm too weak and tired to feel embarrassed. Just want to go back to sleep and enjoy the bubbles in my head.